Super Bowl XLII Top 10 Super Bets
By Gee Kane
January 31, 2008
In between commercials on Sunday, consider these 10 bets to make the game more fun to watch. Place all these bets exactly as I have laid them out here and I guarantee you will have enough money to buy the boat of your dreams Monday morning. These are ranked in order of certainty from absolutely-happening to this-is-such-a-lock-it-basically-already-happened.
10. Total field goals made by each team: 3.5
Tynes is hot, baby, and I’ve got him for three threes by himself. The Patriots beat teams by keeping them to field goals in the red zone and taking advantage of their own opportunities to get into the end zone. They will only need one field goal to help cover this bet. You have to stick with the hot foot here and Lawrence Tynes is red hot after hitting a 47-yarder to send the Giants to Arizona (who cares that his previous two attempts to send them to the Super Bowl looked like our IT Director Timee’s normal duck-hooked tee shot).
Pick: Over. Total of five field goals in a surprisingly low-scoring affair.
9. Longest TD of the game: 47.5 Yards
Moss, Stallworth, Gaffney, Maroney, Morris, Welker, Hobbs, Andrews, Thomas, Samuel, Sanders, Jacobs, Ward, Droughns, Bradshaw, Burress, Toomer, Hixon, and Ross have all gone for 40 yards or more during the regular season. It seems like someone should be able to break the big one in the big game.
Pick: Over. I like a Pats defensive touchdown to get us home here. Most likely on an Ellie (what we call Eli)-tipped pass at the line followed by a lineman with a convoy taking it to the house.
8. Point spread: -12
Ellie Manning. Tom Brady. Ellie Manning. Tom Brady. Hmm. I hate them both for different reasons. I hate Tom because, like his coach, the tone in every answer he gives in a press conference insinuates, “you stupid fucking idiot.” I hate Ellie because after every throw he seems to be saying to himself, “you stupid fucking idiot.” It doesn’t have to be a close game for the Giants to cover, so I’m going with the Giants because the Patriots have been a little too cute with their comments and actions this week. The Giants get a late, special-teams touchdown to cover.
Pick: Giants. Just one TD from Ellie is enough to lose by nine.
7. Total interceptions thrown by both teams: 2.5 over +160
This one will be the most fun to root for. You get to taunt Ellie and Brady and you are getting a price. These teams’ defenses saw each other recently and may be able to jump a route or guess correctly more often.
6. Jersey number of player to score first touchdown over 43.5
When you take the running touchdown from a quarterback out of the equation, this over bet here is always much more attractive. Brady and Ellie have a combined three total running touchdowns this entire year. But I’m calling the Ellie naked bootleg as he turns the corner on Tedy Bruschi, who can’t stop the momentum of his enormous bucket head after he bites on the play action.
Pick: Under. If by some chance Ellie doesn’t turn the corner, he can throw a fade to Plaxico.
5, 4, & 3. First touchdown scored by:
I’ll like Brandon Jacobs at (+1000), Ellie on the aforementioned naked bootleg at (+2200) and Plaxico at (+800).
2. Game total: 54 Points
The easiest pick of them all on Sunday, this line is way too high. Even though these two teams combined for 73 points last month, they both will be a little tight and conservative here in a big spot.
Pick: Under
1. Coin toss:
Heads. Heads. Heads. Do you know why you pick heads? Because it going to be heads. People who pick tails in a coin toss are people who should immediately be shipped to Guantanamo for failure to love freedom.