ASK THE DOCTOR
Tee's Weekly Sports Psychology Advice Column
With Dr. Rachel Enakmas
Dear Dr. Enakmas,
I hope you don’t mind if I ask you a sports psychological question on wagering. At this juncture in the college basketball season, teams want to start playing their best basketball, but it’s way too soon to peak. What teams do you think are playing well enough right now to be a good prop bet to win the national championship?
Benjamin Kelly
West Des Moines, Iowa
Dear Benjamin,
Actually I do mind. I write this column to assist people as best I can with improving their mental health in athletics. Wagering money on athletics is a direct contradiction to what I am trying to do. This goes for you and anyone else who writes in: this is NOT a gambling website or column. That said, I don’t want to be rude. I jotted down thoughts to your question:
KANSAS ST 25 – 1
You could put Michael Beasley at the University of Maryland Eastern Shore, College of the Holy Cross, The George Washington University, or just about any Division I school, and he would have a chance to win the national title. “Man among boys” is an overused phrase, so let’s say Beasley is playing like an infant among fetuses. In March, Beasley will attempt to put the team on his back a la Danny Manning. Since the last person Beasley wants to be inspired by is a Jayhawk, I suggest he watch the Kirby Puckett Sports Century documentary. I have used Puckett’s famous line documented in that program in my personal life many times. For those of you who haven’t heard the story of what Kirby Puckett did before the 1991 World Series with the Twins facing elimination in game six, I will let Kirby tell it: "I went to the clubhouse, and I gathered [everyone] up. I said, 'Everybody together, we're going to have a short meeting,” Everybody comes in, and I said, 'Guys, I just have one announcement to make: You guys should jump on my back tonight. I'm going to carry us.” The team then erupted with cheers of Puck got us! Puck got us! Torii Hunter adds: “Hop on, boys.” That was his favorite line -- hop on. “Puck will take care of you.” I have most often used this phrase in golf. When your partner dribbles one of the tees into the water in the club championship for the 17th hole in a row, just step up and say, “Don’t worry, Puck got you.”
U CONN 30 – 1
This is the best bet on the board. 30 – 1 is the perfect number for a prop bet. It just dawned on the Huskies’ center that he’s a 21-year-old Hakeem Olajuwan and he’s started to take over games on the defensive end and be a force on the offensive end. Their guard play is great and they have a coach who knows how to get it done in March. Unfortunately, for the Big East, UConn is back. Fortunately for you, the rest of the country doesn’t know it yet. And yes, I know all of their names, but in my family we don’t speak the names of the dead or the UConn Huskies.
NOTRE DAME 75 – 1
Well, because I hate my own Caucasian race and it’s Black History Month, I would like to take the time to point out that there hasn’t been a team with three white starters to the win the national championship since 1991. I will send you a 16 oz. bottle of Cheez Whiz if you can name the other white player besides Christian Laettner and Bobby Hurley. This year, Notre Dame gets key minutes from Luke Harangody, Kyle McAlarney, and Rob Kurz and this qualifies them for elimination from national championship contention through a highly technical statistic referred to by basketball experts as TMC (too many crackers). I heard ESPN analyst Jay Bilas say this week that Harangody has already run away with the Big East player of the year award. I find this hard to accept after seeing him get dismantled by Roy Hibbert in their head-to-head match-up this year. Notre Dame’s next five games are at UConn, at Rutgers, Syracuse, Pitt, and at Louisville. I see a total collapse coming for the Irish in the next few weeks as they win only one of these games. Luke will continue his good play, but his player of the year candidacy will start to resemble Brady Quinn’s Heisman candidacy. If you really believe this is the year for the Irish to win the national championship, you should wait three weeks and get them at odds of 200 – 1.
DUKE 8 – 1
See above. TMC.
WISCONSIN 60 – 1
I’ve been wrong about Wisconsin before. Not this year of course. They did make the Final Four in 2000 and of course in 1941. Wisconsin’s unique style of play makes them a tough out in the NCAA tourney, but they are scheduled to make the Final Four every 59 years, so I’ll wait until I see their 2059 odds to win it all before laying a bet on them.
LOUISVILLE 15 – 1
This team is similar to UConn. Their big guy (Padgett) is hitting his stride, they are getting healthy and they have a coach in Pitino that has been there before. The big question for these guys is how far their guard play--specifically Edgar Sosa--will take them. Sosa is capable of taking over games but also of disappearing in games. I don’t see the sophomore making a huge leap and taking this team to the national championship, but it wouldn’t shock me. This price is too short for a team for whose best player broke his knee cap earlier this year. A Tee’s Weekly investigative reporter asked David Padgett how he recovered from a broken knee cap and Padgett quoted Roger Clemens and said “I believe David has misheard” and “I think he misremembers.” People thought that Roger Clemens was going to use the Rafael Palmeiro defense when he actually used the Sammy Sosa defense: I can’t perjure myself if I don’t speak English. The Cardinals might be worth a flyer here.
GEORGETOWN 12 - 1
The best team in the best conference at 12-1, what’s not to like? On Doug Gotlieb’s radio show Tuesday night, Andy Glockner and Andy Katz all agreed that Georgetown was not as good as last year and out of all the possible one seeds they are the least likely to win the national championship. Katz, Gotlieb, and Glockner didn’t mention that the Hoyas have lost only at Pitt, at Louisville and at Memphis. They have experienced guard play, a big guy, they win every close game, and they have a coach. What else do you need in March? And they play for a Catholic school. Bet the farm, the cow, the wife, and the tractor on the Hoyas.
Dr. Rachel
Dear Dr. Enakmas, you stupid [freakin] hag,
Even John Thompson III and Georgetown, the [freakin] darlings of the basketball media, have to admit that a game has never been so clearly decided by a [freakin] dimwit of a ref as it was when Villanova was robbed last night.
Who has pictures of Al Hyland and what was he doing in them?
How long until we find Hyland's name in an indictment alongside Tin Donaghey?
What the [heck]?
Mark [freakin] Maguire
Phildelphia, Mutha[freakin] Pennslyvania
Dear Mark,
To quote the great sports psychologist Artie Lange:
“Waaaaaa.”
Thank you,
Dr. Enakmas
P.S. There’s nothing quite like an NIT game at the Wachovia Center. Good luck.
Dear Dr. Enakmas,
Tim Morris of the Washington Huskies threw the ball off a defender’s face in-bounding the ball late in a game on Saturday. Is this mean?
M. Rice
Foggy Bottom, MD
Dear M,
No, this is not mean, it is funny. I did once see this play lead to a broken jaw on a playground in Salisbury, Maryland. The jaw was not broken by the ball but by a fist. It is funny how a landed-overhand right seems to always break up a good pick up game. The Washington player was out of time outs and if you throw the ball at the player’s leg it is likely to bounce and hit you causing a turnover. M Rice, great question and we would like to take this opportunity to congratulate you on the Question of the Week. The Cheez Whiz will be flowing your way.
Dr. Enakmas